Heavy go svimming!
by Force-A-Pancakes
Summary: The Announcer leaves to take care of some... buisness. Heavy thinks it would be a good idea to 'borrow' her swimming pool...
1. Apocolyptic Idea

"Attention all teams. This is an important announcement." The Administrator's gruff voice rang throughout the bases. "I have some… important business to attend to." Some punching noises could be quietly heard in the background "Unfortunately, this means that today's battle will have to be called off. It is unavoidable. I expect everything to be in order tomorrow." Everyone in all the bases looked up at the speakers.

"No more battling for today?" asked the Soldier, scratching his head. The Spy frowned

"Apparently not…"

Heavy cocked his head in confusion

"Scary lady gone away?" he asked slowly.

Scout shrugged

"Yeah, seems that way anyways."

Heavy thought for a moment

"Scary lady got big pool…."

Scout frowned. Spy raised an eyebrow.

"Your point?" he asked

"…..….We go svimming?"

"Eh?" Soldier asked

"While scary lady gone away…. We borrow scary lady pool… and go svimming!"

"Y'know…. That's kind of a good idea…. I mean, it's REALLY freakin' hot…"

Heavy swivelled to face the Scout

"Leetle man agree!?"

Scout shrugged

"Yeah, I guess…"

Heavy's large hand suddenly wrapped around the Scout's skinny hips as he thrust the other in the air.

"GREAT!!"

"Woah, woah, woah! Lemme go! Put me DOWN, DAMMIT!"

The rest of the team looked on as the Heavy held his captive above his bald head.

"EVERYONE ELSE COME!?"

Sniper shrugged

"Sounds like fun."

Soldier nodded

"Affirmative!"

Spy pondered for a moment

"Oui, I suppose so."

The Medic sighed.

"Knowing you lot – someone vill get hurt. So I suppose I shall have to come also."

The Engineer and the Demoman looked at each other and agreed that they too would go. As the group all ran of towards the Administrator's mansion, Heavy still holding his 'new best friend' firmly above his head, the Pyro was left alone, thinking.

'_Hmm. I'll probably have to go. They may be disappointed though...'_


	2. Found the pool

Heavy came screeching to an abrupt halt about a centimetre from the pool's edge and the rest of the group were forced to stop in a similar manor, minus Scout, who was still being waved like a flag in Heavy's massive hand.

"Whatever you do: DON'T. YOU. DARE. LET. GO. BASTARD." Scout growled. Heavy laughed, causing the skinny teen to be jiggled around even more.

"Leetle man funny! Make Heavy laugh!"

"Uh, thanks, dude. NOW PUT ME DOWN!!!"

As Heavy obliged, gently setting Scout down upon one of the Announcer's large sunbeds, the rest of the team had already bagged the changing room. Scout ran to the door, pounding furiously on the wood.

"Hey no fair! There's gotta be room in there!"

"Maybe for you, but not for _him_." Spy's voice replied snidely. Heavy made a face like a rejected puppy.

"L-Leetle man no leave Heavy all alone…. That not fair…. Leetle man Heavy's f-friend…"

Scout groaned and plonked himself back down on the sunbed.

"Fine…"

"What the heck're they doin' in there?" Scout groaned, still sitting in the same position as five minutes ago, whilst Heavy had opted to lie down and had started dozing lightly.

"Leetle man!" Heavy's head shot up. Scout jumped about 3 foot in the air.

"What!?" he asked in alarm.

"I no got any svim shorts!" Heavy flailed around.

"And…. What am I s'pposed to do 'bout that?" Scout asked warily. Heavy smiled.

"Leetle man lend Heavy some because Leetle man is Heavy's new best friend." He stated. Scout rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

"C'mon man, that ain't never gonna work!"

"…Why?"

"Well… I'm… uh… like, really small for my age… and you're… um, a pretty big guy and--"

"YOU CALL HEAVY FAT!?!?" Heavy roared suddenly.

"N-no, n-n-n-no, no! It's just, y-you're kinda… _taller_ than me!" the boy replied carefully, "Why don't you ask Demoman or summat?"

"DEMOMAN WEAR GAY TRUNKS!!"

Scout blinked.

"Uh, OK… you could ask Soldier--"

"SOLDIER WEAR SPEEDO!! Heavy want to borrow Leetle man trunks! Leetle man have good taste!" Scout sighed. "Fine. Fine, you can borrow my trunks - but I'd better get them back the way they were before! And you CAN'T have the baseball ones!"

Scout dashed off to fetch his spare pair while the Heavy attempted to sit on a chair, crushed it, and then sat on the floor.

Just after the Scout ran off, Soldier and Demoman emerged from the changing room. Sure enough, Demoman wore tight, bright yellow trunks with leafy patterns on them and the Soldier's swimming shorts were small and had Speedo branding all over them. As everyone dispersed from the changing room, one topic was present in everyone's conversations.

"Ya think he's a boy?"

"I'm pretty sure she's a lass…"

"Maybe he'll wear a bikini to try and confuse us!"

"Who cares, we'll find out any second now!"

Scout skidded to a halt next to the others, tossing the trunks at Heavy, he stared at everyone huddled together, whispering.

"Yo, did I miss something?"

Spy shushed him.

"Ze Pyro is about to come out…"

They all turned to stare at the changing room that the Pyro had made quite clear was HIS.... or hers...

"Any second..." breathed Soldier.

They heard the unlocking of the door. They saw it creek open.

"I've waited so long for this!" whispered Engie.

The door opened fully: the team gasped.

"WHAT?!"

Pyro walked out of the dressing room wearing an old-fashioned full body diving suit and helmet.

"Ahh, come on!" Sniper groaned.

"No fair!" Scout whined, pouting dramatically.

"Maggot!" Soldier yelled.

"Dang!" Engineer cursed.

Pyro gave a muffled snort.

"I zuppose 'e never wants us to know…" mused Spy.


	3. HEAVY GO SVIMMING!

"C'mon, what're you waitin' for? Let's go!" shouted the Scout and ran towards the pool. The rest of the team followed shouting various war cries.

Scout reached the pools edge, took one step back and jumped in, curling into a bomb shape as he fell. The splash was not impressive.

Scout was quickly followed by Demoman (in his gay shorts), Medic and Soldier who all jumped straight in.

Spy decided that he would not simply throw away his dignity by hurling himself into the water, but instead walked round to the ladder and slid into the pool.

"This is awesome!" yelled Scout, whilst splashing Soldier.

Eventually, the whole team was in...

Except, for some reason, Heavy/

"Hey, knucklehead!"

Scout waved from the pool.

"You coming in or what?"

Heavy paused.

"Heavy vas meditating before he come in pool. Heavy have to meditate before svimming otherwise he wet himself." The last part of the sentence was said in a whisper.

"Sorry man, didn't catch that..."

Heavy looked around at the team splashing each other in the pool. He leaned down to where the Scout had his arms on the side.

"You want Heavy to say again, leetle man? Heavy have to meditate before svimming ... because otherwise Heavy wet himself..."

The Scout pursed his lips, holding back a laugh. Unfortunately, an odd snort leaked through his nose "Ok... you do that Heavy..." he mumbled, shaking before erupting in a hysterical fit of giggles. Heavy grabbed Scout by the wrists and hoisted him out of the pool.

"Hey man! What you doing! Ow! Put me down you moron!" Scout squealed, squirming in the giant man's grip.

"You say one word to team about Heavy and you dead Scout."

Scout nodded fervently.

"Yeah, yeah, I won't say anything just put me back!"

Heavy dropped Scout back into the pool. As soon as Scout resurfaced he pouted "OK, whatever… you done 'meditating' yet?"

Heavy glared at him. "Leetle man no rush Heavy. Heavy take time."

Scout raised his eyebrows and dived under water before Heavy could see him smirking. When Scout came up for air, a sudden thought occurred to him.

"Hey, pea brain!" he shouted at Heavy. "You're not changed yet. How're ya meant to come swimmin' if y'ain't wearing any swim shorts?"

Heavy opened his eyes and looked at the rather small red swimming trunks in his hands.

"Leetle man is right. Heavy go change now." Heavy stood up and lumbered over to the now empty changing rooms. Scout watched him go - until he got caught up in a water fight with Soldier.

About ten minutes had passed when Heavy returned. He stomped to the end of the swimming pool. By the time he was standing at the edge, the whole team were staring at him. Scout had been right when he said that his shorts would not fit Heavy. In fact, Scout had been understating the truth - the shorts were SO small on Heavy that it was barely covering anything. They also looked painfully tight and the bottom seams were ripped.

"I warned 'im." said Scout to Sniper with a sigh.

"HEAVY COME SVIMMING NOW." Heavy announced from the side of the pool, getting in a position ready to bomb. Something, at the back of everyone's mind ticked.

"Heavy… what're ya doin' now?" Engineer asked slowly and carefully.

"HEAVY BOMB LIKE LEETLE BIG BROTHER" he said.

"Hold it, hold it. Little big brother? Care to elaborate, big guy?" asked Sniper, looking puzzled.

"SCOUT IS LIKE BIG BROTHER TO ME, BUT HE SO LEETLE - SO SCOUT IS MY LEETLE BIG BROTHER!" Heavy said, proudly.

Scout had said nothing, but his cheeks had visibly turned a magnificent shade of crimson.

"Th-thanks, bro...." Scout mumbled, before noticing the rest of the group onlooking fondly "HEY, WHAT'RE ALL YOU KNUCKLEHEADS LOOKING AT!" he demanded, going redder before disappearing into the water.

"HEAVY GO SVIMMING NOW! HEAVY COME IN POOL NOW!" Heavy shouted getting ready to jump.

"No, no - it's fine! Really you don't have to!" Engineer said, worriedly.

"HEAVY COME IN POOL NOW!"

Pyro waved his/her arm above the water. "Mmmhh mmfff!"

Scout's head appeared next to Pyro. "He says he'd rather you didn't get in" Scout translated, diving back under.

"NO! HEAVY COME IN POOL NOW. HEAVY GO SWIMMIIIINGGGG!" he boomed, throwing himself into the water.

The water departed in a colossal tidal wave.

"Well this sucks…" Scout said from the bottom of the pool. "...On ice."

Harhar, 'tis done. The deed. The epic line. And now we thinks: 'NAO WHUT!'. If anyone has ideas or requests for what to happen next, PLEASE share!


End file.
